I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
