so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
