I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
