I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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