i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
