i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
