Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
