Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
