It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
