youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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