just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize