Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
