direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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