I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
