the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
