Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
