It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
