If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
