I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
