Your favorite bartender is back from prision
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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