I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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