this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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