see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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