where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
