i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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