i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
