I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
