There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
