I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
