Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
