i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
