Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
