you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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