My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
