bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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