I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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