Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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