Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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