Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
