I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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