So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i believe in u and ur pee
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
