is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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