If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
