she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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