I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think my moral compass just broke
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
