we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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