I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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