Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
