one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
