Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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