I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
