im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
