When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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