Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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