Someone shit on the floor
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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