And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
