Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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