I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
