I feel great
I just peed on a car
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
