addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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