Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize