im about as happy as oj after his trial
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
