I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
