so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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