I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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