please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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