sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
