Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
