This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
