whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Someone shattered a urinal.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
