no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The adults are the big ones right?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
