we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
