Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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