The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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