You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish I could punch you in the face.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think i have herpe
just one?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
