I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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