now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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