I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
