i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize