remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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