What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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