ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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