That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
