they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize