hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
